Before I start, lets clarify one thing, when I say leaving the baby at home I do mean with a responsible adult and not the dog. I know I make jokes about leaving Juno in charge but honestly I wouldn’t do that. Well not yet anyway. I kid, I kid.
Anyway, here they are:
1.) Oh my God, I cannot do this. Wait can I do this? I’m quite literally not sure if I can leave. My boobs might fill up and what if I need to feed? Who am I going to feed my full boobs to? (Note to self get your mind out of the gutter)
2.) What if the baby forgets who I am? Like maybe in the next few hours she’ll completely forget who I am. I’ll pick her up when I come home and she’ll just cry and cry and just hate me. *Sob*
3.) Ok I can do this. Breathe, breathe, one step at a time, step away slowly. Wait, wait let me pop back in for one last kiss. Ok I’m really going now…
4.) So the front door is closed, I got this! Wait I don’t have any spare nappies, oh wait, I don’t need spare nappies! Duh!
5.) Well this feels weird. And I think I may have become a bit too reliant on the buggy, I feel like I’m walking like the hunchback of Notre Dame.
6.) Right, time to talk like an actual grown up. Well it’s been awhile, how do I do this again? Gah gah…well almost got it!
7.) It’s been 10 minutes is it too soon to text to ask how things are going?
8.) This isn’t so bad I guess. I am totally ok with this going out without my baby thing. Oh look at that baby! Oh I miss my baby.
9.) Did someone say wine? Sure one glass is absolutely fine, that is definitely the amount a responsible adult would drink.
10.) Do you think people know I’ve had a baby? Can you tell? Do I look like a Mum? Is it written on my head in invisible ink? Am I dressed like a frump? Oh God I’ve turned into MY Mother.
11.) I’ll just send another text, make sure everyone is still ok. Oh you got the baby to sleep (remember to find out how). Suppose I can have another glass then.
12.) Ok so my head is fuzzy, I must of drunk enough to sink a ship. Wait, what? I’ve had two glasses, how is that even possible? I’ve become the biggest light weight in the world!
13.) Ah home! Look at my little pumpkin sleeping, wait are you stirring? No. No. NO. Please sleep, pleaseeeeee.
So there you have it, 13 thoughts that every mother has when they leave their baby at home. (At least for the first few times).