There is no denying that bringing home your baby is going to change everything about your life. I think I completely underestimated the impact that Nora would have on my life and everything in it. However nearly 4 months down the line. I think we are just about finding the balance that works for us.
I sometimes find myself at the end of the week wondering what the hell I have achieved in the past 7 days. The pile of washing in the corner of the bedroom is basically touching the ceiling, the layers of dust around the living room are shameful and I am about 5 weeks behind on my weekly shop. Life. Is. Hectic. (Well isn’t every Mums right).
Anyway, since going back to work at the end of October it has taken me quite awhile to find the balance were I feel that I’m giving everyone and everything in my life the right amount of attention they need and more importantly deserve.
Since having Nora my priorities my obviously and naturally shifted and changed. I no longer feel the need to be in work at 6am (even if I have been awake since 5am) and stay till and obscenely late time. I now work 3 days a week 9-5 and I still love my job, but when I went back to work I was consumed with guilt that I might be doing harm to my daughter by not spending every day with her. But here we are, 8 weeks down the line and I no longer feel like I’m the worlds worst mother. We are in a good place, we have a semi-routine (I use this term loosely). I have started to feel like the ‘old’ Pru and I look forward to the moment where I walk through the front door and see my little pumpkin smiling playing with her MorMor (my Mum).
I will be the first to admit that when Nora was born I was pretty neglectful towards Yvo. I was all consumed with thoughts of Nora and her well being. And when I wasn’t panicking about her breathing or her mucus filled lungs, I would often collapse in bed at the first chance I would get (normally about 8.30pm). I would leave Yvo hanging out with the dog for the evening. Obviously this is not a sustainable way for a relationship to survive. I wouldn’t be able to tell you exactly when things started to change but I really think the major turning point was when Nora started to sleep for longer and we were more capable of predicting when she was going to wake up. We were able to have dinner uninterrupted. We would be able to chill on the sofa and watch a film (I still fall asleep 99% of the time) and our only interruption would be Juno wanting to snuggle on the sofa too. Yes I still have evenings when I want to be in bed by 9pm, those 6am starts do catch up on me! But for now we’re far more likely to feel like Pru and Yvo the couple rather than Pru and Yvo the two individuals that happen to parent Nora, sometimes share a bed when Nora doesn’t need co sleeping. Sometimes we even splash out and even get the M&S dine in for two, who said we don’t know how to live!
Finding my balance at home is probably my least favourite, I don’t think I will ever work through my pile of laundry that sits in the washing basket… But I’m getting there, I pinky promise. I think there is a natural progression as Nora becomes more independent *sob* she doesn’t need me holding her all the time. This means I can get things done like make dinner (aren’t you lucky Yvo) and maybe hoover a room or two. By no means will my house ever be sparkling, but it wasn’t even before Nora was with us! But progress is progress.
So here we are, the balance between work/life/home and Nora will never be perfect. The thing I worry about is Nora feeling neglected but as long as she is happy and content everything else will fall into place.